New Year, Old Pain
by Fanaticz
Summary: Yoh is gone for 3 years and anna is left alone. At New Years Eve she couldn't take it anymore, what will she do? My first english fic Pls, R


_Hi everyone, this is my very first english fic. I have already wrote many in german,  
but no one in english, so... well, this is it  
It's a partner fan fiction. I wrote the first part, and Mrs.Hao is writing the second..._

_**Disclaimer: No, really i do not own shaman king!  
Atleast yet, but i have an evil plan how to get it,  
muahaha**_

_**Evil Plan:**_

_**Steal a A-bomb  
Fly to japan  
Find out where Takei lives  
Kidnap him**_

_Also, thx to Mrs.Hao for betareading my part, before she has correct it, the grammar was a lot of crap û.û  
_

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_So, here is the Story:_

**Anna's POV**

It's New Year eve. I'm alone, once again. Tell me; tell me why you had to go, tell me why you left me here, alone, again. Why? It is because of who I am? A harsh, bossy, heartless Itako? The Ice Queen, Anna Kyouyama? It had better be one of your stupid ideas instead.

I wish you would come back to me. I wish you don't hate me for who I am.

I wish you didn't mind that I'm always harsh to you. When you come back late in the evening, tired and strength less as a result of my intense training and the next day I will give you even more chores and duties to do. But all of them were intentionally for you; for your healthy, for your strength, and most importantly, for your dream of becoming the shaman king.

You want to become shaman king, to give people an easy life, to make their sorrows and pains go away. You want the world to be happy. You are the only one worth to be the ruler of this world for your pure and innocent intention for this world. And you had finally achieved your goal! But I guess someone like me isn't worth becoming your queen since you had left without that much of an explanation.

Look at me! I am here, sitting on the porch looking at the stars, alone, with tears running down my face. I was so depressed and upset and have been crying since the day you had left me three years ago! Only a simple letter as an explanation why to the reason of your departure.

_Dear Anna,_

_I'm sorry, Anna, for leaving so suddenly. I have no words to describe this weird feeling I had but this feeling had been gnawing at me for months, as though telling me to leave here for the time being for the sake of the whole world. Then, the night before I left, the Great Spirits had appeared in my dream, warning me of some disaster about to happen. That is when I had confirmed my worst fear._

_Please do not be mad at me. I promise that I will be back soon. And when I'm back, I will tell you everything that has happen. _

_Please wait patiently for the day for me to come back. I have absolutely zero ideas how long this would take._

_Love,_

_Yoh_

This is your so-called explanation. This letter had still not explain to me why you had to leave but on my intuition, the reason was that you had to, scratch that, you WANT to leave me. Because of who I am and how I appear to you, because you don't get it, that the way I was acting at you was the only to show that I care for you.

Silly me, I should have told you at least one time. In rare occasion, I should have hugged you or a "Good job, Yoh" would do! But no, all that comes out of my stupid mouth is only "You're late, I'm doubling your training for tomorrow", glaring at you coldly. I am the biggest idiot on earth, I should have told you how much I care for you, how much I love you when I had the chance. However, it's too late now for me to express my feelings to you. Now that you are not here any longer, I am alone on my own, shunning myself from your friends that you have made throughout the shaman tournament.

What was left, is only I, here at the quiet onsen. I'm the only one left here in this onsen, except for the silent spirits who still lives here. But they were either too afraid of me or couldn't be bothered with me.

How strange that the time I took to build a cage of ice around me, to lock all my feelings in there, were broken down the moment when I had read your letter of fare well. The cage shattered into million pieces, like how my heart had shattered too and all because of the fact that I'm actually in love with you.

'I don't need you, I'm better off alone.' This was what I had told myself ever since you left three years ago. A bitter smile appears on my face. I know this is a total lie. Without you, I'm nothing. Without you, I'm lost. Without you, I can _die_. I always thought that you have already fallen in love with someone else. Ha! Of course you have fallen in love with somebody else! You can't love me, a demanding cold-hearted bitch, no one can! I know that me appearing in your life is as though you had caught a very deadly disease, an endless fever – a torture-, and had took almost everything away from you.

**Normal POV**

The blonde itako took more than an hour, gazing at the stars, wishing them to give her any sign, any sign that signals he would still comes back to her, that he need her, that he wants to be with her. Nothing unusual happened though, just the normal blinking of the stars spread over the dark sky. Staring at the stars for another moment or so, Anna gave a sigh of defeat. No hope was left, every ounce of hope had leave Anna completely. She had finally accepted that he would never come back for her. Maybe right at this moment, he is with his dream girl, gazing at the star together, sharing sweet nothings and innocent kisses.

Anna walk back into the onsen. Darkness and cold filled the whole onsen and Anna looked at it sadly, thinking back of the days where Yoh and his friends were here hanging around. She had often wished for peace and silence and now that she got his wish, she wants the loudness of the whole group to be back. The silence is over whelming her. This is too much for Anna. She lit a candle on, not wishing to waste the electricity and made her way to the bathroom.

She had had not look at the mirror in the bathroom for the past few months; she hates to see what she would appear in the mirror. Every day she will wake up with a tiny smile, but the smile would fade away shortly, after she remembered that no one will be there to see that she can actually smile, except for she herself.

Regaining her composure, she slowly took her time to the kitchen. Throughout the years, she had only more her yukata, changing one after another. She will eat her meal, but only a very small proportion, like only a quarter of a bun only. One bun could usually last for the whole month for the longest record. After eating some food, she would go back to her room, sitting by the window, gazing at the moon with glassy eyes. Every night she would cry herself to sleep, crying over and over again as she roam through her memories from childhood to now, of how Yoh would help to heal her scar with his silly actions.

However, today would not be like the usual, Anna stood in front of a mirror in the bathroom. Inside the mirror, she saw a weak and ugly human, as though this human being in front of the mirror is a worthless shit.

"Look at this pathetic human!" she thought. "Such an ugly worthless bitch! So weak she is, not fit to be the wife of a Shaman King at all!"

Her eyes was puffy red from the crying, tears were still trickling down her cheeks and short breaths were coming from her mouth.

"This shit is so weak…" Anna mumbled. She clenched her fist and screamed out loud. "She does not fit to live in this world!"

Anna smashed the mirror with her right fist, shattering it into pieces, the glasses scattering all over the floor. Her right knuckles were bleeding from the cuts but she could not care for it. She can't feel anything anyway. Looking down at the bathroom tiles, three big shards of glass caught her eye. As though being hypnotised, she walked towards the shards, not heeding of the sharp glasses beneath her, cutting the soles of her feet, and picked one of the shards up. She smiled a crazy smile, and started laughing as though she had heard a wonderful joke. She grinned a lazy grin, in comparison with Yoh. Then, her happy expression changed into a sad frown and she started to blabber nonsense.

"This is the only thing I can do. This is the only thing that can set Yoh free. This is the only thing, to set me free from all these torture…"

Her expression now was scary as those of Hao when he had gone mad during the battle between him and Yoh and his friends. Closing her eyes shut, she takes a deep gulp and brought the glass down onto her wrist. While slicing her wrist open deep enough to let blood flow through, she shed silent tears. She was in pain, not physical pain but mental pain. Memories of the time she was with Yoh flow through her mind when she was cutting her wrist. Blood dripped down slowly to the bathroom tiles, mixing itself among the broken glasses, staining the glasses. Feeling the energy draining from her, she dropped to the ground, cutting herself even more, bleeding even more.

As she looked at her cut wrists, she suddenly felt a swirl of happiness in her and she cut more. The more she cut the happier she felt. Maybe it was because she'll soon be free from this hell? She decided to take another slash at her wrist when she felt some movement behind her at the doorway. When she decided that it was just her thinking, she make moved to slash her wrist, someone yelled out her name. The voice was all too familiar. No… No! It can't be him! Not when I'm looking so ugly right now, no! Deciding it was her illusion, Anna raise the sharp glass once again but soon found it to be knocked out of her hand. She whipped her head around at the intruder and widened her eyes in shock at the intruder. It was he… She could recognise him anywhere. The very same old guy who had caused her much distress for the past two years, Yoh…

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Well, that was my part, be easy on me, it was my first english fic  
so, please Read and Review

Greetz Fanaticz

_P.S. Thx to Mrs.Hao 4 writin' a fic with me. thank ya _


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